How To Survive the Company Christmas Party
GQ has compiled their best advice on how to survive the company holiday party, but I don't think it was a complete list.
Included in the GQ list were great pieces of advice like "1) Never Show Up on Time" and "3) Always Bring Someone"... but they could have done a much more complete list to fully prepare you for all eventualities. Here's what I think they missed.
It's going to happen, the weirdo in IT is going to come try to talk to you. Have an out. Nobody's going to believe that your phone just rang with the ringer on vibrate. If you were really taking phone calls, it would have been in your hand the whole time. Come up with a creative, realistic out for those conversations. Don't be the jerk that just walks away, but don't make yourself miserable by listening to him drone on about what he expects of the next season on Sherlock (or whatever equally geeky show they watch).
One way to break the awkward silence that inevitably happens when you're with coworkers is with a joke. Don't be the person that just stares at the ground, whip out your best holiday joke! Bonus points if it's a sex joke about Santa.
Just because the company sprang for booze at the party doesn't mean it's quality booze. Unless you saw the bottles being brought in, it's safe to assume that it's probably just a small step above paint thinner. Don't risk the nasty hangover the next day and bring your own. Flask it if you're uncomfortable... or just be like me and go "Edward 40-hands" style.
Treat any company Christmas party as if you were partying in Vegas. While, yes, it's awesome to be able to blackmail the boss with the photos of them dancing in their underwear to Gangnam Style, you'd HATE for the same fate to fall upon you. Don't tempt fate. No pictures, no facebook updates, no tweets, no instagraming. This is a time to knock a few back and have fun with some people you're forced to like the rest of the year. Don't crash the party by making people self conscious. Give your friend your phone if you can't control yourself.
Long Island Ice Teas are great for loosening you up to be able to talk to that cute girl you've had your eye on forever, which means that it could also do the same for that conversation you've been wanting to have with your boss about a raise. DON'T DO IT!!! Office parties are NO PLACE for talking shop. That's what the workday is for. Spend this time learning more about your coworkers, or even better, dropping your best lines on the hottie in Accounts Receivable you've had your eye on for years.