5 Outrageously Unwise Things You Shouldn't Do On The Missouri

It's summer, and we love spending as much time as possible on the Missouri River. We want to soak up as much sun as possible before the long, dark winter rears its ugly head.

With that, I thought it might be appropriate to create a list of 5 things you absolutely shouldn't do when you're on the Missouri River.

1. Drink the Water

Now look, I know accidents happen, but if I see you filling up your water bottle with river water, I will puke.

2. Wander Off Too Far On A Sandbar

We love to beach up on sandbars, but make sure you have eyes on the boat. Two reasons: one, you're friends have been drinking, they will forget you exist and leave without you.

Second reason: You're boat may float away. I've seen it happen more than once.

3. Go #2 In The Water

This is something I just learned a couple weeks ago, and I wish I could unlearn it. To my surprise, people poop in the river.

I know there's plenty of nasty things in the water, and that fish poop in it, etcetera, BUT I did NOT know people were dropping logs in my general vicinity.

I thought we were all just holding it like evolved human beings, but two different people told me they do this.

4. Take A Nap

I now the sun feels nice, and the water is relaxing, but napping on the Missouri is not advised. I've never seen a beach nap end in anything other than a massive sunburn.

5. Go On The Liquid Diet

I know most North Dakotans follow this rule; as soon as you're in the boat you're on a liquid diet. That's fun for the first three hours, but if you're planning on being on the water for most of the day, you better pack snacks and water.

You're drunk self with thank your once sober self.