The Unwritten Rules of Working in a North Dakota Office

Sometimes, working closely with other people can be challenging. We all know there are some written rules you should never break in the workplace, but I think an argument could be made that there are some unwritten rules that are equally important.

I decided to put together a list of the "Unwritten Rules of the Office in North Dakota". Let's dive in.

1. Food = Go Away

Don't talk to me while I'm eating. If I'm at my desk chowing down on a sandwich, go away. You're ruining the lunch I'm barely taking. Stop watching me chew, weirdo.

2. No Talky

I think this is written in the Constitution, actually. It's the law of the land. Don't talk to me before 9:15. I need time to drink my coffee, answer emails, and adjust to being alive. Also note, email responses during that time will be slightly passive-aggressive.

3. Bathroom Etiquette

For. The. Love. Of. God... do not linger by the bathrooms. Let me sh!t myself in peace. Unless you're contributing to the orchestra, go away.

4. Expect Nothing

Nothing happens after 4 pm on a Friday. Don't text. Don't call. Don't.

Send it to my email, and I will passive aggressively respond between 8 and 9:15 am the following Monday.

5. Nooners

Wait, it's not what you think. Keep reading.

If you are lucky enough to have an arrangement where you get off at noon on Fridays, shut your filthy mouth. For some reason, people who get off at noon on Fridays like to tell EVERYBODY else that they get off at noon on Fridays.

Let me tell you something: We don't like you. We don't like your children. We don't like your grandchildren. We've actually cursed your entire line of descent. Hatred until the end of time. Serves you right for rubbing our "not off until 5" noses in your awesome Fridays.

That's it!

FYI, this is satire, and I'm not an awful human being, nor am I actually this aggressive. Me jokes. Hope you got a good laugh. Hit us up with your unwritten rules in the app.